Yapping Around Other People: 6 Ways to (and not to) Greet Someone Whom You Haven’t Seen in Many a Days

 

This is tough to share. Some time back I was at a retreat with a group who were mostly meeting for the first time. During that weekend, I met a couple of friends who I had not talked to for over 10 years. Two encounters left a bitter taste in my mouth, but at the same time, they inspired this article regarding what to (and not to) say when you run into a former friend you haven’t spoken to for many years.

The first encounter was my fault. The last time I saw this person was 18 years earlier when he and his brother were barely in their teens as I had briefly worked for his mother at the time. When I realized it was him, I excitedly approached him, took him aside, introduced myself and went on and on about the last time I met him and his brother, and how it’s all connected all while he looked like he did not remember me.

I went on to remind him of a certain trip we took together out of town with his mother and brother and this and that funny incident happened and that I still had a good memory about them and all that. As I went on and on, I realized I was yapping and noticed he seemed either disinterested or his mind was elsewhere. I decided to end the conversation and he scurried off to chat with the next person.

He lost his only brother

A couple of weeks later, I coincidentally met someone else who was at the retreat and as we were catching up, it turned out he was a cousin to this guy that I had met at the retreat after 18 years. Again, I excitedly went on and on about the connections and memories we had since our last encounter. This time I took the opportunity to ask this person a couple of questions I wanted to ask his cousin during our brief encounter. I was shocked when he told me that his cousin had lost his brother, the one I was going on and on about, several years ago.

The news hit me like a ton of bricks. And it made sense why he was uncomfortable throughout our encounter before he hurriedly dismissed himself. I felt horrible that I had no idea about his brother. I had failed to read the room and covered my ignorance by yapping throughout the brief encounter.

You’ve added weight!

My second encounter involved a moderator at the same retreat. I had likewise not seen him for over a decade. I finally went to greet him and the first words he spoke were, “You’ve added weight.” Really? From there it was downhill for me.

It’s very important to choose your words when you meet someone you haven’t spoken to for many years. What you say, or not say, can make the difference between rekindling your relationship or not seeing them again for another many years.

In addition to the don’ts discussed above, here are the dos of what to say when you have similar encounters.

3- Talk about time

Start by saying, “How have you been?... Fifteen years is a long time… How time flies…. Last time we spoke, Obama was president… So much as happened since then… Are you still working at the same organization?” Tame your excitement and the back and forth will allow the conversation will flow well from there.

4- Talk about the event/occasion you’re at

“What are you doing here? This is so exciting. How did you hear about this event?” This topic usually expands to personalities, incidents, wellbeing, and on and on the conversation will flow and even extend beyond the day.

5- Talk about the last time you saw each other without saying too much

People are sensitive about past experiences. Many don’t like getting into what they have been up to. It is very important to tread careful when catching up with someone with whom you haven’t spoken with for years. Don’t jump into deep end issues of life without first testing the temperature of the water. Remember the old scenario that went something like:

Me: How is that girl you used to date back then?

Him: We’re no longer dating.

Me: Oh, really? I knew it. She became a socialite a few years ago. And I can bet she left a lot of damage along the way.

Him: We’re no longer dating because she is now my wife.

Slow down your excitement. People go through a lot and are always eager to share. But if you prove to be too quick to speak than to listen, they will shut you off immediately.

6- Give a compliment

“You look great…. I like your hair… You haven’t aged a day…” Compliments open up people’s soft side immediately. And if it’s an old friend, a timely compliment will rekindle where you two left off however many years ago. And be aware of the difference between flattery and a compliment. A flattery is used when you want something in return, whereas a compliment is used to make the receiver feel good about their life.

Conclusion

Don’t be like me. Be wiser and always ready to communicate effectively on and off season. There are people you knew in the past, lost touch with, but will need their help down the road of life. And some opportunities will only come once in a lifetime.